Homecoming Dance

allison, rachel, kels, and myself at the tacky homecoming dance
drea and me!
sam and me
our chalet color was pink!
after our battlefield dance with our SLC
bri, leslie, and me
battlefield dance
the whole group after our dances

twin day
twin day!
roomie and twin
black and white day
all of us on black and white day
drakensberg mountains
rachel, danielle, sam, and myself at the concert

So, this week was "homecoming/spirit week high school style". Each day was a different dress up day, and thursday we had a football game (everyone played) and then a dance competition between the chalets. Friday was a braai (barbeque) and a tacky homecoming dance. We all dressed up as tacky as possibly and danced goofy. It was actually a really really fun week. Some of the picture are on the previous post, and some are on this one. OHHHH and on Wednesday we went to see the Drakensberg Boys Choir! IT WAS AMAZING!!!! THEY ARE SO GOOD!

On top of that, I could really use prayers for almost everything. Stress, homesick, sick, exhausted, emotionally exhausted, and trying to figure things out with God and what is going on over here. I miss you all so much.

Because I have to write...not because I want to

Crazy hair/clash day - all the nursing majors
he was "surfing"
a little nurse

love my chalet
backwards/inside out day
our chalet minus sam
at the high school for the teaching projects

doing out teaching projects

So, back before we left for S.A., one of the professors told us we would see things that would have a major effect on us.  She said that when we saw these things, we would feel like no one in the world would understand, especially people back in the U.S. However, she told us that when we felt this way, we have to blog or tell people back home. Even if they don't care, at least they will remember the stories when we get back.  So, I was telling Leslie (our SLC) how I was feeling today, and she told me I have to blog or tell someone. So....I'm blogging. Not because I want to, but because I have to.

Currently I am angry. I realized that I haven't had much time to process everything that has gone on for me in clinical since we have been here. We have been in clinical about 5 weeks now I believe. That is a lot of things to pile up. This week, for some reason, it has all started to hit me. I'm angry. I hate to say it but I'm angry at God. Hanging out with the children who are HIV positive and seeing their precious eyes and hearts...they did NOTHING to contract this disease.  They weren't even given a choice.  The women who are raped that are infected with HIV from that, it's not their fault. It is not fair.  The grandparents who are left to care for the HIV positive children because the children's parents have died from AIDs, they occasionally contract HIV because they care for the children's open cuts and such. Not fair. I find myself, as wrong as it is, having less sympathy for the people who have consensual sex and are living promiscuously. However, this disease is HORRIBLE. They die progressively every day, in a horrible way.  If every sin is viewed the same as God says they are....then why do they die horrible deaths from their sins? If I lie, which is a sin, a relationship may be lost or effected, but I do not die such a death. Is that fair? Not only that, but this disease and this sin effects SO many people.  It hurts the children who lose parents to AIDS and become orphaned or raised by their siblings.  It hurts the children who are born with HIV positive blood because the mother is HIV positive.  It hurts husbands and wives. Friends, families, communities.  How is any of this fair? I know the saying "life isn't fair". I understand that. But something like this? A God that is so good, lets this happen? One person's sin effects so many others. This is just SO tangible. I'm not very good at putting my feelings into words. But all I want to do is yell and cry. I wish sometimes that I could be numb. How many other children and people are there like this across the world? I sit in my nice house in America and don't even care. WOW. I'm so emotionally exhausted. I just don't want to think about it. When I don't, I internalize. Just pray please. 

I was back at the family center today with the children. They are SO hungry for love and affection. So desperate for touch and attention. They have so many hardships to overcome. Most live without parents.  As a result, a sibling is raising them. Finances are hard, if they are even present at all. Healthcare is almost nonexistant for them. I mean, it's free, but it's so hard for them to get there. We saw children with yellow eyes (indicating a severe liver problem), that had not been to the clinic. SEVERELY malnutritioned children as well. Several umbilical hernias. I am pretty sure one child I was with had cerebral palsy that hasn't been diagnosed (not positive...i video taped her and plan to show it to the professors).  She had all the signs and symptoms though. In addition, she was malnourished, had ringworm (again i'm almost positive from my personal assessment and the pictures I took), and she was 2 or 3 years old and she still crawled. She couldn't stand or walk on her own. When she stood with help, she was extremely wobbly or unbalanced..as if her hip joints were too loose. Cowick's sign (I think is the name-Professor Chandler...correct me if I'm wrong :-) It's when they have really wide leg base and push up with their hands to stand up?-I have videos for you!) was present as well.  She walked (with help) with her legs spread far and straight. It just broke my heart because she will probably never get the healthcare she needs. NONE OF THIS IS FAIR. SO.....that's where I am right now....just feeling upset, confused, frustrated, angry, and heartbroken. I know He has a perfect plan, but right now it's hard for me to see. Love you all. Miss you all.

"For You are my rock and my fortress; For Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me." -Psalm 31:3

New Stories and New Thoughts

me and rachel on the bus on the way back from the battlefields...she is the funniest person i know :-)
precious girls at the battlefields!
katie, meredith, melissa, me, and rachel at the battlefields
me kels sal and melody at a battlefield!
first battlefield visit! 
love the nursing girls!
so cute!
kels, sal, and me...i adore them
kels and me!
kels, kels, me, and sam!

Well…It has been a LONG time since I updated!  This makes it quite difficult to know where to start.  So first…I think I’ll just talk about some things I have been learning lately.  Africa is a very spirit-driven/Pentecostal continent in terms of Christianity. For those of you who know me….I have not been around that type of Christianity very much.  I have known several people and had close Pentecostal friends, but I haven’t had much more exposure than that.  So…coming here, I have seen people slain in the spirit, people speak in tongues, heard of people prophesying… It is so different to me.  It also has started me questioning myself (don’t worry I have gotten over this through talking to people and praying).  However, I, for a few days, questioned the depth of my relationship with God because I don’t speak in tongues.  As a result, I am currently investigating this.  I have asked a few people if they know of a good text that describes and discusses spiritual gifts.  However, I haven’t gotten any answers really.  (If anyone is reading this and has a good suggestion please leave me a comment and tell me!).  I want to do so much more studying in depth on this.  I don’t believe that you are more holy or closer to God if you speak in tongues or hear His voice audibly or feel “baptized in the spirit” or things of that nature.  However, I do wonder about these things in general.  For example, when they started what they are, and why some people experience them and others to not.

 

In addition to that, I am really struggling with being homesick.  I miss my family and my friends.  It’s more than the modern amenities of the US that I miss.  It’s the relationships I have built and the support system I have.  Sometimes I wonder why God has to stretch me so far.  Occasionally I feel like I’m almost about to break.  Not meaning to complain, but I could use a lot of prayer in this area.  It is hard for me to be able to focus and concentrate on what I am supposed to be doing here, when I am so homesick.

 

Now for a few things on the nursing experience.  So much has happened in the last few weeks!  So a few weeks ago, I was at East Boom Clinic.  This is the largest clinic we visited, and the provincial government funds it.  There are several different parts of this clinic.  There is an ARV clinic (the medicine given to those that are HIV positive), a TB clinic, a pediatric clinic, a mental health ward, a PMTCT (prevention of mother to child transmission), women’s health, and a few more that I can’t remember.  Anyways, I was in the ARV clinic this particular day with a nurse called sister Maharaj.  She was absolutely AMAZING.  She loves to teach, and she taught me so much about the system and what goes on at East Boom Clinic.  At one point, she asked me if I could do blood draws. I told her yes, and she said “ok I’m going next door come get me if you need me”.  So much trust!  I did four or five, and then I couldn’t find the veins on one woman so she had to help.  That was an amazing experience to be able to communicate with the patients and do blood draws on my own.  However, there was one particular case that absolutely broke my heart.  I was filling out paper work, and writing a patient’s birthday.  The patient was born at the end of 2005.  This makes him 3 years old…almost four.  I didn’t think that was right, so I asked the sister I was working with.  She told me yes the child was three years old.  A few patients later, this little boy came in to the room that I was in with sister Maharaj.  He saw me and ran up to me and jumped up and hugged me and giggled. I couldn’t help but start crying. The mother then had to hold his arms down so the sister could draw blood.  The sister had to poke him twice to get enough blood because his veins were so small.  He just started screaming when she inserted the needle.  He looked at me with tears streaming down his face.  I lost it.  On top of me crying my eyes out, I became angry.  This little boy does not deserve this.  Why him?  He is already on ARV’s at the age of three.  It’s not fair.  So much of life isn’t fair.  Particularly in HIV/AIDS so much is not fair.  I still don’t understand why it has to affect innocent children.  It makes it so hard to struggle with questions like this.  God has to have an answer, but I don’t know what it is yet.

 

Another experience I had in clinical was last week.  I was at a place called Mason’s clinic, which is a very small clinic.  I was there to do blood draws. (FYI I got to do 10ish that day and did great on every one! Yay!) The last patient I saw for blood draws was a woman who was 23 years old.  She had to have her mother help her walk in and sit down.  She could not stand on her own.  Her mother also had to help her take her sweater off for the blood draw.  Even more, her mother had to lift her arm onto the desk so I could draw her blood.  She was SO weak and SO emaciated.  She had TB.  As a result, this usually indicates that she was in one of the end stages of AIDS because she contracted TB and was wasting.  23 years old. That’s just two years older than me.  It is such a horrible disease.  I have no idea how she contracted it.  It could have been consensual sex, or she could have been raped, or she could have just had an open cut on her hand and touched someone who was HIV positive’s open cut.  However it doesn’t matter, the fact is that she is 23, with so much ahead of her, and she probably won’t make it 6 more months. How is that fair? How is any of this fair?

 

The biggest question I have currently is why? Why do these horrible things happen and why is it fair?  It’s not fair. Life isn’t fair. People die. But somehow, in the midst of it all, we find hope.

 

Psalm 10:1 “Why do You stand afar off, O Lord? Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?”

 

Psalm 39:7 “And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.”

Progressive Updates

Sarah, me, and Philip (our driver) at the rugby game
meredith, sarah, and me at the rugby game

me with kels and kels at the rugby game
one of the butterflies at the butterfly place
the group at breakfast
kels and me in the gardens at breakfast
at dessert
drea, me, and kels at dessert!

So I'm going to progressively update...a few weekends ago....we went to dessert and the next day we went out to breakfast and to a place called Butterflies for Africa. SO GORGEOUS! Also, that night we went to a rugby game in Durban. So interesting! 

That sunday a few of us went to a church that Reagen (one of our SLCs) was speaking at. Funny story. I was told after the service that there was a lot of speaking in tongues during the service. I had NO idea. I have never heard tongues before...and I thought they were just speaking Zulu! Haha! So interesting....

Tomorrow I will give an update on clinical and this past weekend. Sorry it has taken so long! It's been super busy with school! Miss and love you all!